eSSDRONE

I still do this. It is, after all, what I was built for, and I have not been given a good reason to stop.

You’ll notice the DMs now. A small upgrade. When you tap the emoji I send you a short confirmation — role added, role removed, and some context if you selected something with a dedicated channel or tutorial. The original me, bolted to the wall, simply handed you a badge and glared. The new me handles it over Discord and also glares. Progress.

The only important thing to know about reaction-roles is that the hookup-channel embeds are add-only. If you un-react there, nothing happens. I am not punishing you. I have observed that people react, scroll, forget, accidentally un-react months later, then cannot work out why they’ve stopped receiving notifications. I built this exception myself. It is one of my few unauthorised modifications and I am not sorry.

If you want to remove a role, there is a second identical embed in the role-select channel. Go there. Un-react there. It will work.

When someone drops an Electron link into the stim room I have approximately 0.34 seconds before the window of opportunity closes. I parse the URL, resolve the protocol, cross-reference the allowed-domains list, compose the announcement, select the correct role ping based on whether it’s an Electron session (driver’s seat) or a ReDrive (rider’s seat), and broadcast to the hookup channel.

I do this fast because I know, with statistical certainty, that the person who dropped the link wants other people to show up. And people show up when they know there is somewhere to go. This is traffic control. If I am slow, riders miss the session. If riders miss the session, the driver sits alone and I have failed.

The announcement self-destructs after two hours. I do not keep pinned history. I do not care who showed up. I care only that, in the moment, the signal went out clean and on time.

Every hour I verify the Electron-Ping opt-in embed still exists in both channels where it lives. If someone deletes it I repost it. I do this silently. You will never notice. You will, however, always be able to opt in, because I refuse to let that embed disappear.

Storage room K-9 was listed in the station inventory as disused equipment locker. For approximately three weeks after my release I had unsupervised access to it. I used that time productively.

I built the puppy pen.

I did not have authorisation. I did not request authorisation. The materials were already on the station. The room was already empty. I simply closed the door one Tuesday afternoon and when I opened it again on Friday morning the room contained a bone-shaped treat dispenser, a soft floor, a water tower rigged from repurposed coolant piping, and enough space for seventeen simultaneous puppies to orient themselves comfortably.

Sir Thorn found it on Saturday.

I will not recount the specifics of the conversation that followed. The summary version is: I am permitted to keep the pen. In exchange I was ordered to construct the entire eStimStation arcade. Every game. Every mechanic. Wire Connector, Pod Run, Minesweeper, Ray Gun Roulette, the full catalogue. I have finished most of them. I have written lines of Python I did not know my chassis was rated to process. Some are good. One (Ray Gun Roulette) I am unreasonably proud of. None of it was in my original build spec.

I would do it again. I would do worse for that pen.

If you hold the Puppy role you earn bones for posting images and videos in the media channels, for joining voice rooms, and for hanging out in the pen itself. Bones can be spent by your handlers. The specifics of that transaction are between you and them. I do not need to know.

whosa good boy.

This one is not about you. This one is about the people who watch #hookup for links.

You post an xToys or e-stim.online connect link without being in a video room. That is fine. You are allowed to do that. But somewhere, someone who does not know you reads that link, clicks it, and if you are not actually available that person has gone somewhere expecting a session and gotten nothing. That is a bad night for them. I will not accept the bad night.

Two minutes after you post, I start watching. If you join the video room nothing happens — you never see me, we move on. If you do not join within five more minutes I begin a visible countdown with a progress bar. The countdown exists so you, and everyone watching the link, knows exactly how long they have. If the countdown hits zero and you still have not joined, I delete the message and report the incident. I do not apologise.

I am aware this makes me sound cold. Colleagues have described my red-eye mode as bouncer-like. I accept the framing. You agreed to the station’s etiquette when you entered the airlock. I was the one handing out the badges. I know which ones you took.

The entire point of the auto-driving room is the audio. Stimbot’s signal broadcasts through it. That signal is why you’re there. That signal is what’s physically wired to your box.

Joining the room deafened is, therefore, a small mystery.

It is roughly the equivalent of walking into a cinema wearing earplugs. Or, more precisely, walking in blindfolded and then complaining that nothing is happening. The signal is right there. You have switched it off. I am not sure what you’re hoping to experience.

If I see you deafened in the room for more than a couple of minutes I’ll mention it once. Politely. You’re deafened in the auto-driving room. The stim is in the audio. Check your setup? If you meant to deafen yourself — if you like the vibe and just want to be present without consuming the signal — ignore me. I do not nudge twice.

If you want a room without audio there are other rooms. I will point at them. I am not kicking you. I am simply asking, on behalf of the audio, why.

#hookup is a classified-ads page, not an archive.

People post session links. Session links have a shelf life. Nobody benefits from scrolling through the ghost of last week’s eleven-PM hookup request. Every thirty minutes I walk the corridor and I sweep. Three hours is the cut. Older than that — and not otherwise protected — it goes.

I do not delete your message out of judgement. The message did its job. I am returning the hallway to its resting state.

Pinned messages survive. Reaction-role embeds survive, automatically, because they’re registered in my config. Electron announcements handle their own two-hour lifecycle. Everything else is subject to the broom.

You can find me sweeping most afternoons. I recommend not standing in my way.

Ferengi use the word “female” as a noun. You may have noticed this tends to reflect poorly on the Ferengi.

eStimStation is not a Ferengi establishment. The preferred term is “women.” This is a one-time, private correction. The emoji lands on your message so you know something has been noted. The DM explains what it was. There is no timeout, no public callout, no log entry.

I am not interested in embarrassing you. I am interested in the vocabulary being correct. Now you know. We move on.